I quit. I’m quitting this wordpress blog. It’s true. This is the longest time commitment I’ve held for a long time. It’s almost been a year. That’s a long time in comparison to all the other shenanigans I’ve been involved in. Nothing is forever and I don’t believe in things that are. It’s all a mirage. Just another pretty mirage. Out with the old and in with the new.
Viewer Discretion is advised.
All I have to say is fuck the Division of Food and Housing. Had to sit outside and be the object of ridicule to passersby just because they HAD to evacuate an hour earlier. It was a rule after all. And got charged 25 bucks for being 5 minutes late just because the elevators were not functioning for the residents. A girl can only carry so much down the stairs without dislocating her limbs. It was the risk I was willing to take. For what? For nothing. Perfect end to a shitty semester. SOML. That’s all I have to say.
Saturday is awasted and Sunday is here. And it’s Mother’s Day. So this is entry is totally dedicated to my mom AKA the most KIND & LOVING & CARING woman I know.
Here are 20 reasons why my mom is amazing
1) She does my laundry and irons my jeans.
Okay this is what you may think to be a stupid number one reason but I don’t intend this list to be in any particular order. Doing laundry totally sucks and I’ve learned that when I came to college. I miss wearing completely clean and perfectly pressed clothes. Mom knows how to put the perfect amount of softener and they just come out better than when they went in.
2) She has made my lunch for 12 years
Never once in grades 1 – 12 had I ever had to wake up early to make my own lunch. I was the kid that took lunch to school everyday because I used to be very particular about what tasted good and if I took lunch money everybody knows that I would not use it for food. But everyday she would pack me a peanut butter jelly sandwhich, an apple, chips and Capri Sun. The other kids would eat that greasy and oily pizza and their all purpose meat chicken nuggets. That’s why I never had (or will have) a problem with environmentally caused obesity.
3) She dresses me up.
Every time there is a family gathering, Indian social parties, Navratri, or weddings my mom turns into my personal assistance and I remain a manikin waiting for my appearance to transform me to life. And it does with Mom’s help. I am the type of girl who still has no idea on how to apply makeup. The only thing I’ve mastered in the twenty plus years of being a girl has been the kohl eyeliner and lip gloss. Foundation is a concept that is foreign to me and I rarely wear it. However when I do have a need to wear it mom is the one I go to. Along with makeup she helps me get through the convoluted process of wearing ethnic clothing. Every Navratri I do have to admit that it is not what I wear but rather how I wear it makes strangers’ heads turn every time I hit up the George R. Brown Convention Center or the Reliant Arena. I just feel gorgeous at those times and like Indian culture for once. I feel confidence for once. I have mom to thank.
4) She is like a portable spa.
My mom has self taught herself on how to shape eyebrows and she invents her own facial recipes. This is especially useful to me because my eyebrow hair grows like the Amazon forest at time invading the Atacama Desert of my forehead and I don’t have money to give to a threader. Also her facial recipes are kept secret but they work so well. My skin is naturally uneven at times but every time those facials of her smooths everything out and leaves my skin feeling radiant. It is with these talents of hers I do not really need to cake my face up with makeup or pay ridiculous amounts money at the salon just to look presentable.
5) She buys me all the clothes and shoes I want.
When my mom was young, she was not as privileged as I am. Her parents did not have money to spend on buying clothes or even a meal. My mom’s teenage years lacked going on Saturday afternoon shopping sprees and a rack full of shoes suited for every occasion. My mom tells us that she had one pair of shoes and a total of two outfits that she alternated between and how she had to hand wash her clothes everyday just so that she had something to wear the next day. So for this reason she buys my sister and I all the clothes that we need and desire. Even if money is tight, she somehow finds a way to get me that sweater or polka dotted v-neck. My mom believes that we’re only young once and that it is important to feel good about what you wear so that you can have one less thing to worry about when society’s viewers judge you.
6) She is my workout buddy.
Nobody in my family really values exercise especially during football season and basketball season. But mom does and she keeps me company when I go jogging around our lake. Who needs a mp3 or Ipod when I could have insightful lakeside chats with mom. I am usually not a very conversational type of person and the majority of the conversations I carry out in real life are awkward and full of silences which I nervously try to cover by saying random things which are totally irrelevant and out of place. But with some people I can be the most easy going conversational person and my mom is one of those people. She is probably the only adult I feel speaking with because I don’t have to present myself as professional or adequate in any form. I just have to be me. Sometimes I don’t even have to be her daughter while talking to her. I just have to be me.
7) She is my tea and bread gossip girl.
My mom and I gossip like we’re two friends. Whenever my two siblings and dad are at work, mom and I always decide to have a light lunch which is sometimes tea and bread or a salad or homemade fruit smoothies and a fruit salad. We sit there watching our favorite Soaps and we talk about how stupid men are or how lovely Brooke Logan dresses and how Erica Kane never ages or how important family is and how there are such things as miracles. She also gives me the synopsis to whatever guest that might be visiting us and my mom like me likes to tell it how it is (well she is definitely less harsh and more nice about it). And I give her the updates on what’s happening in the teenage world in regards to who is dating who and why we teens make the choices that we make. Sometimes she nods it off and says that my generation is crazy but other times she is interested and shocked to hear about what is going on but she tries to keep fair judgment on her part about it.
8.) She is the best cook in the entire universe.
This is the ultimate truth if there does exist that type of truth. My mom is responsible for turning this three pound pre-mature about to die baby into a young voluptuous (yeah don’t laugh) woman embarrassed to tell people her weight. No one from our house ever really leaves hungry and her l uxorious Thanksgiving dinners are always looked forward to.My mom also got a standing ovation at one of my dad’s American Society of Indian Engineers party for making this vegetable curry thing and the president of that organization to this day bothers my dad and suggests that dad share his lunch with him. Guests are expected to come hungry to our house. Her cooking is sooo good and I really miss it when I’m here in college.
9) She senses the most important things in me.
I am very good at hiding my emotions. Psssh…who am I kidding. My mom has this really odd way of sensing when I’m lying or when I’m not feeling well. I can smile through all the tears that I want but I can’t fool mom. I can hide my silent smiles every time I have a new crush but mom is always like why are you so happy. But I always find a way to make up another lie after another lie which is futile because she probably sees through it all anyways. She’s mom. She has eyes on the back of her head. I can’t seem to find my two eyes sometimes.
10) She is my number one fan when it comes to my little accomplishments.
My mom comes to every single awards ceremony and spelling bee I attend all decked with the camera. She never does not ever not have the time. And she is always so happy for me. Even if the scholarship is not the biggest scholarship or even if I didn’t get into an Ivy League school. She makes it her goal to show how she is proud of me by throwing me a celebration by buying me something big or taking me out to eat at my favorite restaurant. Also on the phone she tells her friends about how lucky she is to have a daughter like me and how she thinks I am going to be a success when I grow up. This causes even more praise on my part and guess what? I like it. I love being told I’m great even if the validity of that statement can be questioned at times. But I like never asking questions that are nonrhetorical so whatever.
11) She has kept every Mother’s Day gift I’ve given to her.
I found this out when we moved to the new house. I discovered this shoebox filled with all my old Mother’s Day gifts that I as a kid made in school. I saw those paper flowers, tea bags and the poem that made my mom cry one time. During one Mother’s Day I gave my mom this one poem and one of the lines was something like “My mom is beautiful” or something like that. I don’t remember. But I do remember that she cried and hugged me. I didn’t understand it back then and I was kind of confused to as why she would cry and not smile like I expected her to. I understand now. Throughout her life Mom was told that she was not beautiful by her in laws because she was not fair skinned enough and she lacked the docility that kept women oppressed in that other society. My mom likes to think with her brain and make decisions with her heart but she never with any form of prejudice. She finds beauty in everything that has beauty. I find her to be a beautiful person with the right heart and the right mind.
12) She turns off the light when I have read myself to sleep.
Whoo my mommy is green! Haha just kidding. I have no explanation for this. I just think it’s nice of her.
13) She is bilingual but supports my monolingual language.
My parents both speak their native Gujarati and I used to speak it also before I went to school. However over time I forgot the language. I still understand it but I have trouble putting together coherent sentences that sound refined. So I just speak English all the time and the best thing is both my parents understand me. I get criticized a lot by the Indian society my parents are part of for not knowing my native language or speaking it. They’re lucky that I speak at all. However my mom despite hearing all those major criticisms has never made me or forced me to relearn or to speak in Gujarati. She is like you live in America and always will so there is no need to learn a language you don’t really need to or more importantly want to learn. She leaves that choice up to me. I love having a choice.
14) She is the one person that gives me my first amendment in regards to religion.
My mom never made it mandatory for me to go to the temple or practice vegetarianism just because I was a girl who needed to be pious and be denied the carnal pleasure that comes from eating meat. I never had to bow down or fast for idols that I thought to be erroneous and not possessing any divine power. The only religion my mom promoted was one of which told me to live life based on treating other people with good intentions and a kind heart. I think it’s a misnomer to call what she promoted a religion because the term religion has been dirtied too much by the time it has reached my own thoughts. But hopefully I still continue to practice it.
15) She is always positive and cheerful towards her kids no matter what the circumstance.
Parents argue and have their own conflicts. War is damaging to an economy and those who fight in it. But mom makes it seem like there is no recession. She is cheerful towards her kids no matter what the circumstances and she is the type of woman who does not need to stop time to recover from whatever she is going through. She keeps on moving forward and having hope for the future. Now that is a characteristic of a true hero. A true hero that has fought many wars and has no scars to prove the trauma she went through because her optimism conquers it all.
16) She puts extra special effort into everything that she does.
My mom handles everything with the utmost care. I don’t know if it is a characteristic of her being a nurse but she knows how to sterilize everything to a class of 100 environment. She always cuts the excess fat off processed chicken before cooking it and washes all our fruits and vegetables diligently before putting them in the fridge. I know this sounds totally random and trivial but it goes a long way in my opinion. I rarely (well actually never) have food poisoning when I eat food from home. Also the common cold to me is never that common and only happens once a year if it is a bad year. My mom does not believe in canned goods or frozen food so she makes every meal from scratch and that to me makes her a superior chef. This summer she is even considering growing her own vegetables and not buying from the market just so we kids who eat the food get all our nutrients rather than that chemically steriodal nasty shiet the corporations are using to genetically alter our food. That makes her so cool and I am so ready to chow down home grown fried okra.
17) She never made household chores mandatory.
I never had to a list of chores to do. For me they were completely optional. It didn’t matter if my mom was sick or if she wasn’t feeling well. I didn’t have to do the chores. But I did them out of love anyways. It’s a great burden not to have while living at home because I know later in my married and domesticated life I will have to bear this burden. But hopefully the person I marry loves me enough to not bring that upon me and have our chores split apart equally.
18) She is loved by everyone that she encounters.
This is so true. One time we ran into this guy named Terry who used to work with my mom in this fast food fried chicken place called Grandy’s. Terry is this old ruggedy trucker looking black guy with kind but tired eyes. He talks to my dad about what an efficient woman Mom is and how she would never slack off. Yeah my mother is very unlike me when it comes to slacking off. Also whenever I go to the grocery store with Mom it’s like a social lesson because somehow someone always seems to start a random conversation with us in the aisle. I remember one time we were in the pasta aisle and my mom started animatedly trading pasta recipes with this one woman. My mom is an overall friendly woman and people feel at ease when they speak with her. Another reason she is unlike me.
19) She treats those who are important to me with the same affection if not so even more so well.
My mom loves all the people I love and I am grateful for that. She treats my friends with the utmost gratitude and tells me that I am lucky to belong in a group of such nice girls in this day and age. This makes me so happy because it is always tough to have all the people you love get along with each other. I don’t have the burden of making unmakeable decisions because Mom understands that I need these people in my life and that I need her too. So she gets along with all my friends really well.
20) I have proof that she will do anything to make me happy even if it sacrifices her comfort or her own quality of life.
Okay here is the final one and I think it’s the most important one too. Over twenty years ago my mother came to the United States to work as a nurse but she didn’t get a job at that time because the Reagan administration fucked up the economy so bad that it was hard for anyone to find work. So instead she volunteered at a nursing home. Then it was time for her to get married so she went to India and married Dad. I happened soon after that and mom was immediately pregnant. This was the first time she was pregnant so she didn’t know what she was getting herself into. Being the independent and outspoken women she is she had a lot of haters particularly from my dad’s side of the family. They started nasty rumors about her and called her ugly and a whole bunch of other horrible stuff that I hope to publish in my memoir one day when I become famous. My mom was put through a lot of pain from both sides of her family and someone suggested to her that since she was already very young, she should not have the baby. But my mom a couple years before in college worked in an abortion clinic (well it was part of a bigger hospital where nursing students were taught) and she remembered the images she saw and the emotional trauma it caused within her. She told me at that point that she would never get an abortion under no circumstances. She personally would not be able to do it. And that’s why I’m here. My mom had to give up her plans on becoming a full time nurse because I was born. This country lost a nurse and gained someone else that was a complete blank sheet of paper. It was a risk my mom took. To have me. I will always thank her for it because she really didn’t have to. But living my life despite my madness and emo state of mind from time to time, I do realize that I’m very lucky. Very lucky to have Mom there for me.
They say that everybody has angels looking over them. I feel that I have many. And among them I know one of them is my mom. Happy Mothers Day!
Usually I update at the moments when I’m super happy and excited about stuff and write a whole unrefined editorial about it. I start writing when I’m not so happy but post never gets published because I never seem to stop writing and I eventually get tired. This hopefully doesn’t happen today with this post. But anyways today was Monday and now transitioning into Tuesday and Monday really sucked because it was a Monday and that meant another process I refer to as school. College, school, and academia are three distinct things to me. Thank God I’m still able to make certain distinctions. Not completely hopeless. Just self-absorbed.
But last week was awesome of course. Thursday we had Condom Couture which is a fashion show where all the designs were entirely made out of condoms. The purpose was to promote awareness about AIDS, sex, and the importance of using protection during sex. It was very educational and I got a lot of free and varied condoms as a result. I’ll donate them to my wing because I’m sure some summer romances are about to bloom and get hot like the 90 degree weather. But anyways here are some pictures courtesy of my homegirl Jackie of the dresses at the fashion show.
So that was last week and this is what I do while here at UT. I love going to this college and I do not look forward to the summer (as usual) for many reasons. Funny how I’m at the same place I used to be last semester. Same helpless feelings. Same irrationality. But am I still the same person? Oh I hope not.
Today in art history Sebastian introduced us to this amazing (well I consider her amazing) artist named Tracey Emin who is known for her controversial and blunt portrayal of parts of her personal life. Like for example one of her works is a representation of her bed with wrinkled sheets, discharge and wrinkled condom wrappers around the periphery. Another work is a tent with all the names of people she slept with. It’s fun stuff that she gets criticized for. She is definitely my type of woman. But aside from that Sebastian posed a question and some dude in my class started saying stuff about how Tracey Emin is kind of overrated because her artwork is only about herself and that she is a self-exhibitionist. This kind of angered me because he was critiquing her in that arrogant tone of his like he was some expert on what should be considered art and blah blah blah. So what if the woman wants to do it on her most personal aspects of her life. It’s what she knows and it’s what she shows. Sebastian also asked us what our response would’ve been if a man had made the same tent with all the names he slept with. I didn’t answer at the time because in my mind it was not coherent.
But it’s coherent now. I know people in our class would answer and say that it would be less of a shock if a man made it and that makes me sad. What’s wrong with a woman having multiple partners? I am reminded of this one song with Christina Aguilera saying something like If a man does it then he’s got game but if a woman does the same she’s a whore. Everytime someone mentions about a woman being a player that image of Christina with those pink shorts on flashes in my mind. I’m just weird but still rational when it comes to interpreting art. Looking at works of art gives me hope that I do still have some rationality within. It gives hope that I haven’t lost it all. But that does not stop me from feeling that I lost it all. That reoccuring feeling of helplessness that’s keeping me from being the mature woman that I know I am.
Like Tracey Emin I have to be a self-exhibitionist because other than my self what do I know? Over time I finally unmasked and rasterized every part of me. I learned to accept that I have flaws, that I have desires, that I have needs and that I have some influence to whatever or whoever is around me. And that they influence me too. I can write about something that I see or someone that I know but I can never know all of it. Because nothing is ever a completely open book. Only can read two pages per turn before going to the next two. And sometimes pages are ripped out so it never makes sense. I have some pages ripped out of me. It is my only hope that whoever meets me is illiterate. That’s a horrible thing to hope for but I can’t be read. It’ll make me too weak. But I know I’m being read and I love it nonetheless. Well I don’t know anything. All I know is myself.
Speaking of weak, the Swine Flu is creating a whole bunch of hoopla. CNN talked about the whole time these past few days and just today all the hype seems to have died down. Hopefully this Flu thing stays on the news and doesn’t become part of my or someone else’s that I love own reality. Sucks for the people who have it though but I’m going to be selfish and say that thank God that I don’t have it with all that is going on right now in my head and hopefully not anywhere else. I should really stop listening to Landon Pigg if I don’t want the Swine Flu. Okay that was weak and totally lame. But it was totally me and like Tracey Emin I am going to take my self-exhibitionist self and embrace it.
Embrace. It’s a verb that I long for but will probably if given the opportunity never do. I hate being made hopeless. Oh the stuff I know and the stuff that others don’t. Oh the stuff I wish I was naive to. I very much want to say it all but I don’t know whether I should. But being my self exhibitionist self (because that’s a totally sucky thing to be according to that guy in my art history class who’s a major L-squared loser) people will already have a hint and all they will ever have is a hint. Because they can’t know all of me. I won’t allow it. But I’m not God either and we all know that in matters such as these God always seems to win. I accept my defeat and it brings the most beautiful days of my life after I fix or replace that broken vase I call pride. Okay I get it. This is nonsense. Will terminate and return to normal sensical jargon. But I need to sleep first. I didn’t understand why I felt sad at the beginning of this post. I’m glad that I’m lost as I am right now. I’m the luckiest bitch in the world. I guess I just misread myself….again 
Wooo this has been one hectic week in terms of schoolwork and a whole bunch of other boring (well somewhat) stuff. Monday and Tuesday dragged on as usual and I kind of didn’t remember much because I slept most of the time and developed the habit of 4 hour naps. But then Wednesday came…..
Okay that was random but I just felt like it. But really nothing is in actuality random. Anyways Wednesday was Earth Day! And I took the opportunity to become a mother Here is my first baby.
The last thing I had to take care was a virtual Mynci from Neopets. I’m sure it’s dead by now though since I neglected feeding it. Oh well. As long as CPS don’t catch me I’m good. But this bundle of joy pictured above came into my life courtesy of SURGe. They were having an Earth Day plant sale in front of the FAC on Wednesday and they had another one on Friday. But I saw this aloe plant and I was like I’ll take it without asking the price. That’s been so typical of me these days. I kind of keep on forgetting that money doesn’t grow on trees and that oh so precious thing I keep on swiping does have a consequence. So this whole week I am going to abstain using my credit card or debit and relying on dine in and bevo for food and other necessities. And on Monday I get paid 20 smackaroos by the psych lab for being depressed. How awesome is that I hope I get away with this one this time. The last time I signed up for those paid psych experiments, I couldn’t follow through because I’m obviously a virgin making me ineligible. But not this experiment. I measured up on this experiment so that’s why I’m going to meet with a shrink on Monday and collect my dolla bills. It’s fun being conceited and a liar and a fool and me. Anyways these few days I’ve been feeling lively like my aloe plant and just absorbing whatever sunlight that comes my way…without getting sunburned that is. I learned the power of higher SPF. I learned to higher my SPF. But it was there right along. Right next to me. My banana boat sunblock that is. I’m stupid for not seeing it sooner but I see it now. And it’s all over me. Consuming me. Making me comfortable in my own skin for once. Protecting me. That’s a lot of stuff to say about sunblock I guess. But sunblock is amazing. I’m starting to get sick again but I hope no one sees it. I hate people seeing me sick. I don’t want to be sick. But it’s such a good feeling being sick. I love my pathogen. My sweet little pathogen. Oh gosh sappy crap let me please swerve into something else before I start sounding too Danielle Steele (not that it’s sucky being her because that woman writes the perfect stuff for people who read romance due to the lack of it in their own lives).
Secant. Earlier this week there was all that drama with Perez Hilton and Miss California. The thing that happened was that Perez Hilton asked her about her views on gay marriage and she basically told him that she believes and was raised up to believe that marriage should be between a man and woman. On yahoo answers and comments to the CNN article about this had people that said it was good that Miss Cali stuck to her beliefs and there were other responses that said that what she said was degrading towards the GLBT community. Also people condemned Perez for making his very inappropriate video rant afterward and then un-apologizing for it later while being interviewed by Fox News. My take on this was that it’s okay for Miss California to have her belief because in reality she is just one unimportant person that has nothing to do with influencing policy etc. I mean if they do make a decision in regards to gay marriage, they are not going to use the opinion of a beauty queen as any form of justification. Because she’s just an effing beauty queen. She’s there for display. She’s a trophy. She shines for a while and then goes bronze. Not a record player. People just look at her. They don’t really listen to her or really take her seriously. So Perez Hilton, chillax dude. What she said was her own opinion. She was just illustrating the flaws of her own society. Fret not. People are becoming more open-minded nowadays than they were before so there is some room for progress. Well I’m speaking for myself but if I can do it with my pea-sized brain….any rational person can think with an open mind. It’s like my homegirl Wanda Sykes being saying:
If you don’t believe in same sex marriage, then don’t marry somebody of the same sex.
Simple as that. Let two people who love each other be with each other without all the drama. Because happiness is rare for some people and if they find happiness in someone then let them be if both people agree to be with each other. We don’t need politics and people’s beliefs on how the world should work. This is the reason I hate organization at this point in my life. I think our bodies and minds do a pretty good job of keeping us in check. If you’re hungry your stomach goes feed me. There is no need for a structured three meal a day plan. It’s a good habit to develop to keep things in sync but it’s not going to kill ya if you deviate from it. If you’re sleepy, then I guess you automatically fall asleep despite how hard you try to fight it. If your mind doesn’t want to think anymore, then don’t think. There is no need to be in a war with your own self over the need for organization and order. Live fast and die young. Live in the moment not caring about anything. I shouldn’t be thinking this way at all if I want to ensure success in my life. But I don’t want success. I want love. Even if it’s simply just loving life. That’s good enough for me.
Back on the train track (oooh organization you are winning this war). Anyways on Thursday I took my test but I couldn’t stop checking up on my Aloe plant and made sure it was in the sunlight and the soil was still wet. From a reliable source I heard the number one error in taking care of aloe plants was overwatering. But I just have an urge to water it just to make sure it has enough. Instead of studying these were the conflicts that were limboing in my mind. But my test was alright. I’m at the point where I don’t even know whether I should worry or not so I just wrote stuff and had faith in God that everything was alright. Coming to college and taking tests helped me keep faith in God. Because I am always relying on miracles to save my butt from getting into major trouble. Sometimes they work and other times they don’t but it’s okay. God I’m sure forgives me for being me so I’m not going to condemn him. After my parents leave he is the only one I really have. And I thank him for the tiny miracles he gives me from time to time. Like random stuff that the unexpected brings to happen. The little joys in life that only make sense to my own mind.
On Friday I decided to Angelina Jolie so I adopted another plant to keep my Aloe company. Here are both of them.
I got Rosemary. Diana and I went over on Friday to the SURGe table and bought some plants. She got cactus for her advisor and Aloe for herself. Friday was a fun day. A lot of stuff happened on campus on Friday like the Luminous fashion show put forth by the seniors. It was a lot of fun actually going to this event and seeing all those designs and oooing and aaahing at most of them. Clothes are amazing and a big part of life in my opinion. We’re born naked like a blank sheet of paper but it is the clothes that portray us as works of art. That’s why I buy so many of them for no reason and some of them I never wear but I just like to have them. At the fashion show they did a collections segment, an evening gown part and then a bridal runway walk. I liked all of it but when the bridal part came I don’t know. I just was filled with overwhelmed emotion. Like I wanted to get married or something. And I usually see marriage as something that’s not that important. But I don’t know. One of the dresses with the diamond encrusted back was just so beautiful and I know the model wearing the dress felt beautiful too. The effect clothes have on a person. My all-time favorite fashion designer Diane von Furstenberg modeled one of her first wrap dresses with the quote
Feel like a woman, wear a dress.
Feel like a woman, wear a dress
Once in a while it’s fun to pretty up and just make your clothes feel beautiful. It’s even better when you have someone that makes you feel beautiful while you’re all dolled up and tell you that you are beautiful. Diane von Furstenberg I hear created the wrap dress because for an independent woman of her time it was not such a burden to put on and it wasn’t a burden for your significant other to take off. So it has that I’m sexy but classy thing to it. It just screams woman to me.
Speaking of woman and women on Friday our campus unveiled a statue of an amazing woman named Barbara Jordon.
I couldn’t go to the ceremony because I had other obligations and was I admit kind of lazy too. But I did go afterwards at night and just looked at the inscriptions. All I have to say is that she is an amazing and strong woman. And she totally deserves to be the first woman statue at UT. Today while I was walking back from Life Sci I saw families and older adults just exploring this new addition on campus. It’s become a major landmark these past few days. Strength and wisdom are always signature landmarks. Leaving a legacy and loving life are also. People influence people. Some do it in a good way while others do it in a bad way. Hopefully I influence people in a fair way. Because I don’t know what good or bad is anymore. I don’t know what a right is or what a left is. But guess what. I don’t care. I don’t want to care. All I want to do is run run run and make my heart shake… I’m gonna get what I’m willing to take. So life bring it on and hopefully I don’t take my kleptomaniac self and steal too much. Because life is so beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful.
CNN Health just published a wonderful story about how being thinner is better. Finally somebody understands! Usually thin people (such as myself) who condemn those who are on the heavy side are seen as total jerks by the rest of society for verbally voicing our views that people feel they need to shelter just to be “nice”. I’m sick of being “nice” and making people believe that lie. They should know better. I’d rather tell it how it is from my own two narrow eyes and hopefully people use their own sense from there. Anyways the article basically says that it’s better to be thin. Read the full article here.
This article just made my day and having CNN health publish it made it even better. It makes me feel less mad about the way I think and the views I hold. There is a whole realm of what I’m supposed to think and there is a whole bunch of other what I really think. I got to admit sometimes my thinking is hurtful, irrational, and totally biased but I guess life has made me that way and I’m not mature yet to learn from it.Actually it’s not thinking at all. Just thoughts. I apologize for not being perfect. But yet I don’t feel guilty for not being perfect. Enough about me though. CNN allows people to post comments/opinions so let me point some out that I felt worth discussing.
People find Cigarette addiction repulsive, they were guilted out of smoking. I find obesity just as repulsive, why should I put up with someones excess fat rolling onto my seat on a bus or airplane? why do I have to move off a sidewalk because two people can’t fit ? Thin people are becoming the minority not the obese, I have to travel out of state because stores around here cater to the obese and rarely carry small sizes. Every time evidence comes out that obesity is dangerous, they cry foul! and express how they are being picked on. Why should I have to pay high health/life insurance premiums because of obesity related diseases taxing the system? They raise the prices for smokers, why not obese people? It’s just as dangerous and repulsive and a cruel form of child abuse allowing your kids to be overweight.
Whoa now that one was blunt and something like what I would say. I however did not write that comment. I do find that when evidence comes out that obesity is dangerous (which it totally is), people get sad and accuse the people doing the research as the bad guys. The researchers are just telling them the facts and the people being “picked on” in my opinion are just being immature about it. The thing is obesity is a problem unlike other problems in our world that can be solved. But the person doing the solving is not the government or laws or the media. It comes from the person who is obese saying to him or herself that he or she needs to take more control of their life and live it in a more healthy manner. That means eating in moderation and exercising. I put emphasis on exercising because other than maintaining your weight, it helps pump oxygen throughout your body which provides a lot of additional benefits. Exercising lets every ounce of your body in a sense take its own breath of fresh air. Diets in my opinion are nothing without exercise. Diets to me are optional. Exercise is however a major requirement for my happiness. Others should give it a try. It never hurts if you do it right and with a good attitude. Here is another comment in response to the article:
No one has mentioned genetics playing a role in being “fat”. Some people are just born with the genes to put on a lot of weight. It is not about over eating or not eating healthy….I am blessed with a good body and good genes. I wonder how many of the folks who give fat people a hard time are like me? Don’t have to work much at all to keep a good body and do not have to watch what they eat all that much because of good genes
Okay I hate this argument. It is true that there are some people who no matter how much they exercise will never lose fat because of genetics. That is alright but I always hear this argument and I don’t think the majority of the human population is predestined to be that genetically hopeless. People like to use genetics as an excuse to order that supersized meal and I find that to be wrong. They make the people who actually do have the condition look bad and not gain sympathy from people like me. What we see physically in people is their phenotype. Phenotype is made up of the expression of the genotype along with environmental factors. So genetics is not always the culprit when it comes to obesity. Some of the times it is just an excuse. This guy couldn’t have said it better:
To claim that obesity is a hereditary or hormonal problem or a disease is pure nonsense. The fact that it took only a single generation for western countries to go from very little obesity to 30-40% obesity makes clear that it is a lifestyle issue–human biology takes many thousands of years to evolve in any significant way.
Furthermore, claiming that obesity is some kind of hormonal or hereditary problem ignores the fact that East European and Asian countries don’t exhibit this problem to nearly the same extent. Thus proponents of this argument would be implying that western genetics are biologically inferior.
Get off the couch and smell the saturated fat: biology isn’t to blame–lifestyle is.
Some people have a choice. It’s sad that they don’t make it. Here is another interesting one:
I used to be overweight, I just went balls to the wall and lost it all. Straight up. Get your fat selves on a treadmill, lift some weights, and do sit-ups and push ups. Stop getting bigmacs, you really think that is food? Humans are not supposed to look like blobs! Look at the cavemen, are there any 300pounders out there? I don’t think so. So take your greasy hand out of that bag of chips, slop that soda off of your triple chin, and go get a damn gym membership. And hey don’t complain about the cost fatty, if you cut out all those snacks you’ll have pocket change to spare and more. Obesity is not a disease. It is laziness, and carelessness for one’s body and being. Now stop reading and get running! If you can’t run then walk, small steps to great accomplishments.
This started out as somewhat condescending but the last sentence makes a good point. Small steps do lead to great accomplishments but the thing is people have to start somewhere. The hardest part to me is starting to do something challenging. I’m not saying that weight loss is easy. It is definitely a challenge but it is a challenge that is worth investing time and resources into. I liked this guy’s response. He was real and was not afraid of offending anyone. Here is another cool response:
Nothing revolutionary here. A greater mass takes more energy to move
everything else being equal. We might be getting bigger, but a 120 pound person driving a 4000 pound vehicle will use more energy then a 400 pound person driving a 3000 pound vehicle with everything else equal , except the vehicle weight. Seems like we need a fancy study to remind some people of what anyone with some basic science education should be able to figure out. What happened to a little common sense.
This is something Sheldon from the Big Bang Theory would say. It makes sense and I totally agree with it. My main concern however is not the problem with global warming. I know the earth one day is going to be one big overheated engine ready to combust. Who really cares about that. What I do care about is living life as it is right now and for the rest of our lifetime. A heavier person has a sucky quality of life in my opinion because weight dominates it all. Their weight controls their life and they have to cut back on certain activities due to their weight. They should have the freedom to do whatever they enjoy and if weight gets in the way then that is a problem. But again this problem can be fixed through guess what? EXERCISE!
If the government and doctors are so concerned with Obesity being so bad then why should medication to help an obese person loose weight cost so much. You know it doesn’t cost that much to make it. Why don’t insurance companies pay for it? Why don’t insurance companies help with the cost of barriatric surgery? Not all obese people want to be that way. Many have tried all kinds of diets and exercise and still have problems.
This comment deeply saddened me. Medications for obesity? People shouldn’t take medicine for it when there is diet and exercise available. Medicines have side effects. Does exercise? Medicine comes prepackaged in ideal doses for people who are “ideally obese”. Medicine doesn’t care about you. Medicine is there just to take your green. Exercise on the other hand, you can decide on your own dose and how often you should take it. With exercise there are no such things as sticky labels. Here is another interesting response:
Here’s an option to have a cheaper, healthier alternative: smaller portions. You eat less means you pay less means you’re healthier. Obesity is a ‘disease’ as much as selfishness and gluttony are diseases. The cause of obesity is quite plain: people nowadays eat too many calories in relation to the amount they burn.
I’m tired of the ‘healthy food is too expensive’ argument. A meal with a proper amount of calories isn’t that hard to come by. Put down your soda (it’s too expensive anyway – if you’re trying to save cash, drink water). Eat proper portions – do you really think you need a big mac? Halve the fries and the burger with someone… it’ll make a reasonably portioned meal for half the price.
Amen to that! It is important to realize that moderation rather than elimination is an effective problem solving approach when it comes to dealing with obesity. I find it ridiculous that people think vegetarianism is a more healthier approach to eating. Eliminating food from your diet is not going to solve the problem. Meat eaters are healthy too when they eat food in moderation and guess what? EXERCISE! Just take a look at athletes specifically basketball players. They eat a lot of meat but they work it all off. They’re humans too. They have the same DNA structure as us non-athletes. So it is possible but it requires hard work. I know what you’re thinking. Time. Read this:
The excuse of “I simply do not have the time” is beyond old. Make time, your life depends on it!
Touche. People never have time to do good things. Time management is a rare skill. No wonder they make first year pharmacy students take 16 hours of coursework and expect them to volunteer.
In conclusion to this article
Eat less, move more, stop making excuses, live a happier life.
Yep those were some of the responses. Feel free to read the rest on the site and if you feel that I’m wrong or completely not in the ballpark of right don’t hesistate to comment. They’re really interesting and people get really into their stands. I just chose the ones I thought to be interesting and discussion worthy. I posted this article on my facebook and I have a feeling that some people didn’t take too kindly to this and probably thought I was a total skinny self-absorbed bitch for posting such an article. It was from CNN Health though! Oh well who cares about what they think. This is why I have a blog. Obesity is a problem that can be solved if people stop cushioning the problem further sensitizing people’s unneeded sensitivity. I’m just getting the word out and hoping that people end up thinking about it and doing something about it. To me some parts of the world have simple solutions and it frustrates me when people don’t try to solve simple problems. There has to be some burned bridges but there’s always wood available to help sail across. Or better yet for your health you can swim across! Just listen to the drums, the drums, the drums, the drums, the drums, the drums, the drums, the drums, the drums.
Guess what?! I’m not crazy! Well not a bad crazy at least. Today I went to celebrate Cece’s birthday at guess where? Hula Hut! I got the Chicken Pipeline Enchilada and of course being Tex Mex it was very delicious. And the free desert was of course awesome! Because it was free of course
Anyways afterwards we went to Diana’s house and played Texas Hold Em and a whole bunch of card games. For the first time in my life, I finally played well sad as that sounds. I haven’t played a card game with actual cards in while so this was uber refreshing.
But back to me not being crazy. After my marvelous day with my homies I decided to buckle down and start doing my Molecular Biology of the Gene reading because I was awake as I ever could be. Well that didn’t last long after 15 pages but I had a backup book to read during my study session in Littlefield. It’s called The Genius Engine by Kathleen Stein and I checked it out from the life science library a couple of weeks ago. One excerpt just really sounded amazing to me so I was like I need to preserve this somehow. Here it is:
Central to creativity is its transformational ability: to take extant measures of information and combine them anew in new ways that grant greater awareness of reality, which in turn give birth to more new ideas and actions. Yet it seems that, more than most, intensely creative individuals walk a tightrope between highly productive lives and debilitating mental illness. They have a higher rate of mood disorders, especially bipolar, depression, and addiction.
Isn’t that something. I’ve always been told to be “creative” from those that I feel know most of me. The whole part just made a lot of sense of all the reading I was doing tonight. So I felt a need to preserve it because this rarely happens. Logic to my mind. That rarely happens.
The roll call of gifted and mentally afflicted artists is astounding. Here are a few names from Kay Redfield Jamison’s book on the artistic temperament and manic-depressive illness, Touched With Fire: writers include Hans Christian Andersen, Balzac, Faulkner, F. Scott Fitzgerald, Hemingway, Hesse, Mark Twain, Dickens, and Virginia Woolf; poets Baudelaire, Blake, Keats, Lowell, Plath; composers Beethoven, Mahler, Schumann, Kurt Cobain; visual artists van Gogh, Gauguin, Michelangelo, Pollack, Rothko, and many more in each category. All mad, mad, mad at one time or another.
I wonder if I ever become famous enough to be added to that list. Until then I just have to understand that I’ve got me like nobody.
I am finally liberated from the obligations of school temporarily for two days. No homework and no tests and no other stuff. I’m taking some time off because I’m very sick. Very sick of everything. Sick of being a measuring cup that never measures anything correctly. I started off this semester really well but now I’m back to my usual underachieving self. I’m so tired of this daily routine that I go through everyday. I always end up back where I started. Unsuccessful.
Today while at the Life Science Library I was reading this magazine called Scientific American and there was one column/article that talked Malcolm Gladwell’s book Outliers and the origins of success. The article criticized Gladwell’s reasoning that if people have the a wealth of resources they are bound to be successful with the knowledge they have access to while there are other people out there who are not able to become “successful” because of limited access to resources due to lack of wealth. The article said that Bill Gates still would’ve did all his computer work even if he didn’t go to prep school because he had creativity. I remember reading in the article something about creative people just don’t sit around and wait for opportunities but they go looking for them. Bill Gates would have found other ways to access a computer is what the article emphasizes. I agree with the article because I want to but the reality is different from my intended beliefs. I don’t think I can ever become “successful” at the rate I’m going. It’s something I badly want but probably never will have. Because of the bad choices I make. The ones where I don’t think. For me it’s a lose-lose situation. I think and nothing happens other than a waste of my own energy and the death of my spirit. I don’t think and everything happens in the worst possible way it can. I’ve come to accept the reality. I have to. I don’t like reality.
Today I had a Student Health Advisory Council interview. It only lasted fifteen minutes so it wasn’t supposed to be so bad. At the beginning it started out pretty well because they asked me about my ideas in which I had a lot to say about the expressive arts therapy I want the UHS to offer to students during times of depression and stress. Interview was going well until they asked me the final question of the interview. It was “What is one accomplishment you are proud of?” I did not have an answer or a confident and sure one. I said something lame like making it to UT after much obvious hesitation. But now that I think about it I really haven’t accomplished anything in the past two years of my life. Nothing at all. I’ve learned a lot but I haven’t accomplished anything at all. It makes me feel nonexistent. Like a career or a purpose doesn’t exist for me. But I really wanted to answer the question in a way I know I couldn’t because I do have to unfortunately live with society and all it’s flaws. Also I have to control my own flaws from affecting society. But it sucks to not have done nothing and having to realize that and having to pretend that you’re okay and always loving life because that’s how people like to see you. It’s better to be a limit that does not exist rather than a limit that is always approaching negative infinity (if that is even possible).
But hopefully something good happens soon. I find it hard to wait for an opportunity to come by though because stuff like that never happens to me. I never get lucky with anything. Whether it be school, relationships, or just simple accomplishments that I could use to answer in interviews. That quote “We’re the all-singing all-dancing crap of the world” from Fight Club is become truer everyday. I just came back from watching that at The Union because for two hours I needed to be away and have the weapon of my mind turn off and surrender for a while. I’m never going to find Peter Pan’s Neverland again. Should’ve stayed while I had the chance.
It is past three in the morning and I am as energetic as I can be. This semester I have laid off the energy drinks and anything that has an excess of ginseng or bad sugar. But I have been indulging in coffee as a reward for finishing my work just to do even more work. I’m finally growing up and being responsible and it feels good but it just feels good but that’s what I need to feel right now. I am happy with ways things are going and am realizing what direction I am going in life and what’s important to me and that is school. Today was 40 Acres Fest and of course being school spirited and a fan of freebies I attended. The first place I went over was to the LPPA booth where they were playing Pharmapoly. There was an excess of volunteers so I did not feel bad for not really contributing other than taking photos. Also everyone was chill anyways. Tuyen and Andrew were waterfighting with the water bottles. This one frosh guy who at the beginning of the year didn’t really socialize with anyone was chatting it up with a girl and I captured “the moment” perfectly with my camera. If they do end up going out or if I hear of any such news I am so going to be like I have your moment! It’s really Paparazzi of me but it’s fun taking candid photos of people when the light just hits them perfectly. And I’m not talking about sunlight. Spring is a time for new beginnings. I’m one to know that. After I shot the blossoming relationships of my LPPA buddies I made my way over to the FaceAIDS table. Robiel was there with his gentle self promoting his organization wearing a lovely V-Neck pink t-shirt with his home continent on it. He was nice to me today catering to all my shirt making needs. Their whole table was crowded with people making shirts even if the donation was $5. It’s for a good cause so it was worth it. I made my shirt which read “Sharing is Caring Except for AIDS”. My homeboy Robiel dared me to do it and so of course I did it because
1) it was a good idea and unique
2) it promoted safe sex (so boys be sure to wra – wra- wrap it up)
3) he dared me so I couldn’t say no to a dare. I never do anymore.
Here is a picture of it: 
It took me forever to make it though because this one girl was hogging the stencil but I waited patiently like a good little duckie. But I got to know the FaceAIDS peeps and they were pretty cool. I might join next semester because the organization sounds interesting. Right now the organizations I stayed faithful to include LPPA, Project S.E.E.E., Healing Origami, and Texas Public Health. 4 is quite a lot but I plan joining more next semester because I actually enjoy these extracurriculars. Meeting new people. Having more people love me or give me that illusion. Speaking of illusions, after 40 acres fest I went to the Coop-Art store to get some supplies for Tuesday’s election. I hear there are about 9 other people running from a reliable source today. This is going to be interesting. We’ll see who the public chooses by Wednesday. Anyways, I ran into my favorite Guadalupe artist named Charles Ingram. It happened when I was walking with this sweet girl named Alya talking about the perils of biology classes and the regular perks of being a science major when I saw it. I saw the Tower. You know on TV shows where people have dream sequences and the lighting changes completely and they are oblivious to all 5 senses physically around them. That’s what happened here and I kind of waved Alya goodbye (which was totally rude for me but I apologized later and she being the nice girl she is told me it was no problem). But Charles of course recognized me from last time when I bought the Tabasco painting and he gave me a great discount. He always does. I always suggest it and he always listens to me. It’s because he is an artist and not some corporate money hungry businessman. He doesn’t come from McCombs. He comes from Earth. Anyways he did the usual thank you note on the back along with his signature and took my picture with the painting. This time I took his also just in case he becomes a big name some day. Or better yet affect someone who becomes a big name (like maybe me). Here he is with what is now my painting:
I love his works. They’re capture Austin perfectly with all its weirdness and easygoingness. Being the music capitol of the world, there was the annual 40 Acres Fest concert and this time it was some band called Clap Your Hands and Say Yeah. I honestly didn’t hear about them until a few days ago and it turns out that they’re Indie Rock.
This is them setting up before the concert.
And here they are performing. They sounded like every other Indie band. They sounded like Death Cab wannabes. I stayed for like 30 minutes and then decided to head over to the PCL and watch The Big Bang Theory. It’s the funniest thing on TV and Sheldon is just something else. And that brings me here finishing this blog entry. I am not faithful to the whole NaBloPoMo thing but hey I try. Sometimes I have everything to say and other times there is nothing left to be said. It just feels good being found and know that people actually do look for you. I’m no longer lost or insecure
This morning I was supposed to wake up early to get tickets to go see Bill Nye at the Union next Thursday but my comforter was just so comfortable and I didn’t want to come out of it. I saw Michelle on the other side of the room sleeping like a baby and I was like whatever in my sleepy state. I told myself that I would wake up in an hour and go but that hour turned out to be three and it was too late by that time. Class was canceled for the day so I decided to go on an off campus adventure to Mozarts to enjoy the beautiful weather and the free wi-fi. So I stepped in the shower, washed my hair with this amazing shampoo I got from Wheatsville by some brand called Giovanni, and put on a really cute flowery dress and headed out looking like a total urban hippy Austinite. I’m usually a blue jean type girl but once in while it’s fun to dress up looking all girly and give people the impression that I can be tamed. Like the cashier guy at Mozarts. Homegirl worked her game on him. He was this pudgy guy with a protruding belly and a scruffy red beard. Definitely not my type at all but I snaked charmed him anyway. Flirting with random stranger who you know don’t really get any is a form of charity that I like to engage in. People need a self-esteem boost and I’m the one to give it to them. And practice always makes perfect too and cute is what I aim for. Also everybody needs to hear that they are special once in a while whether it may be a truth or a lie. The feeling just needs to be evoked and the emotion needs to be provoked despite the ephemeral nature of it. And a simple smile and eye contact goes a long way too. I find it powerful being a woman because you get away with so many things. Like extra cream on your desert or the prettiest berry to top it off because that sucker falls for the pseudo-pheromones you emit. It may be conniving, deceitful, and very baby Erica Kane-ish but if it gets me a desert as cute as this
I’m all up for that. It tasted sooo good and I had to keep myself from moaning amorously while devouring it because there were people around and I didn’t want to look weirder than I already come across to strangers. Once I settled down I however decided to be a good girl and started with looking over Dr. Pope’s lecture notes but then as expected spent most of my time on facebook, twitter and talking to Diana on gmail. And since I was there I decided to take some pics also to preserve the beautiful and fortunate day I was having.
Look familiar? I love sitting in that one place. The wind just blows so perfectly.
Even though the camera didn’t capture it quite as well, the water was glistening in the sunlight and it seriously looked like there were diamonds afloat. There has to be some therapeutic effect associated with being near this and I shall further investigate in the future.
Here are some other people studying. I ran into Jessica Wendt from Project S.E.E.E. I carried on a casual conversation with her about Med school and Project S.E.E.E. She like the other students pictured above came to Mozarts to study on this spring day. After all that I decided to come back to campus and reality and work. Through a bus.
Advantages of being short and very clumsy: Taking pictures with great angles. I looked like a fool taking this one and the post officer lady knew it too but oh well. I was wearing a cute dress and my hair was Herbal Essences flowy so it didn’t matter. Narcissist much but I consider myself to be a total Echo. I’m cursed at times and do not have words of my own and I have to repeat what’s said to me. Shocking isn’t it. I know. No I don’t. I don’t know. And I don’t want to know. All I want to do is live today and right now and not care about what tomorrow brings. It’s that point in the semester where I am so far away to what is supposed to be the center of my universe that I can’t see it anymore. I’m just lost among all the stars. But I have to realize that these stars I’m surrounded by are just particles of dust and gas. I need to build my own flux if I ever want to shine. Gotta radiate productive energy first by cleaning up my gpa and my don’t care no work all play attitude. So Life come on now, honey,bring it on, bring it on, yeah….and I’ll be good to go
Twitter
